Day 11

I am going to the gym today. Hopefully it will give me a good boost to my eating habits again.

My goals today are to eat a good breakfast.

I don’t know what I will eat for lunch since I ran out of those convenient soups. I might have another protein shake or something. I suppose I can take kasha with me.

Ok tight on time today. Gotta go.

Day 10

Yesterday I was going through a withdrawal from the Monday relapse into binging on food. Not sure what came over me but I just ate everything in my fridge even before the we went to the Rosh Hashana dinner at my Mom’s place.

So yesterday I held myself back but I’m afraid I still overate just  a little bit. Not much. It was hard to switch back to being conrolled. I then went to the gym in the evening and I did two days worth of five factor fitness and 35 minutes of cardio. So I’m back on track to day.

Whenever I relapse and have a binge day, I forget how terrible it makes me feel. I’m stuffed. I cannot sleep. At night I feel terribly dehydrated. And in the morning I almost felt nauseated and had a headache.  Not sure if the headache is related, but the overall feeling was just very lousy.

After work yesterday I came home and watched tv for a bit. I was tempted not to go to the gym since I had blown my food routine. But I knew that it was an important step in getting back on track. And it was. It really gave a boost to my morale and I felt really happy and proud of myself coming out of the gym.

So today, I need to stay on track.

I am eating small meals throughout the day with a 3 hour break in between meals. But in the evening, I am going to let myself have a nice dinner with my sister. My goal this evening is not to take food from my sister. Not to finish her food and not to take it from her plate. (Unless we share a desert).

Relapse

I had a major relapse yesterday. I now remember again how bad it is to eat so much and how it makes me feel. I can barely sleep. I feel dehydrated. In the morning I feel on the verge of nausea.

Today I need to turn over a new leaf of determination and go for it again. I am strong. I can control what I put into my mouth.

Today I am eating small protein meals for the whole day. I’m going to the gym in the evening. I am rereading my goals page.

Week 2, Day 8 of my 21 day challenge

Well, I finished day 7 of my 21 day challenge. For the past 7 days I have remained in control for most of the week with just a few moments of weekness. Last night I had a small binge on crackers and a couple of turkey burgers. But I almost fell like I had done so well for the whole week, and so I let myself have a few crackers with butter. About 30, but they were small.

I haven’t weighed myself during this challenge, cause I don’t want this process to be hindered by the desire to see those numbers change. Rather than focusing in the number, I’m focusing only on my habits. It never worked before when I focused on the number. So once I can manage my food habits better, I will step on the scale again.

Today, is Rosh Hashana at my Mom’s. I’m sure there’s going to be a lot of food there. My goal for today is not to eat to excess. I cannot really say how much I will eat exatly. I think I just want to stop before I feel stuffed and eat in a way that I’ll feel comfortable going to bed at night.

Day 6 of the 21 day challenge

Right now, I’m coming towards the end of 1 week. I am still feeling motivated. Today, I’m staying home and I decided to keep the kids home with me. Save a few bucks.But the kids are already fighting and that drives me crazy.

Anyway, today’s goals.

Stay on track.

Eat regular meals throughout the day.

Mostly proteins.

Very little food after 7pm.

Where did the romance go?

I’m pretty conviced now that nothing kills romance like marriage. It’s just not such an attractive idea to me any more. I used to dream about romance and finding that man of my dreams. And now I don’t. I’m not even sad about it. I’m not sentimental about it. Jim just proposed to Pam on the office. It was romantic but I find the humour on that show more interesting to watch than the romance. But the upside of it all is that, now i get a different high. The other day while playing with my kids, I noticed that the high I felt in those moments was as great as the high I had when I had those romantic moments. And after 4 years those highs are still there. And then I thought, how nice, they will still be there for a long long time. Romance is so fleeting. And I hardly seem to care any more. Maybe I’ll feel differently later on.

I have to say, with men these days, you just don’t know who the person is. I just really don’t know how easy it will be to ever meet a really decent man. At this time, it almost seems like it might not be worth the effort looking.

Gym today

It felt really great at the gym today. I did 2 days of 5 factor fitness and 45 min of cardio. My feet started feeling too tingly at the end of the elypsys so I knew I had enough.

I’m still feeling like I’m addicted to food. Evidence of it is what happened at work today. Often when there’s food served at a meeting or a party, the leftovers are left at a desk in our office for everyone to take. It sits next to the printer. And I cannot pass that table without taking something again and again and again. Then I just had to get up and get some more and kept coming back till it was all gone. It was only fruit, but still. Its the fact that I wanted to keep eating it. Even if I could have stopped, I still had that compulsion to keep eating it. I couldn’t stop thinking about it. Its the same when I went out with my sister. She had no appetite. Well, she has reasons for no appetite. But I always want more. If she has stuff left over in her bowl, then I want it. She will keep talking but all I am thinking about is how gracefully and subtly can I lick off all the rest of the food off the plates.

Ok that was my small segue into the state of my mind about food. I don’t know why that is and I don’t know if I will ever feel differently about it. I was hoping that I would with hypnosis. But I have hope that I can control my urges with practice. Every day, I’m trying to recognize the behaviours around food that simply don’t serve me and that perhaps are not very healthy.

I had a taco bell wrap today. I could have eaten something smaller. But I am still on track. I went to the gym. I had the food that I had, and then I stopped.

Day 5

Today is day 5 of my 21 day challenge.

Yesterday, I did go out with my sister. After having my hair butchered by a hairdresser I never tried before (big mistake), we went for dinner. Lately, I’ve had cravings for Mexican and so I got nachos delux. It wasn’t great but it was small. After finishing off my nachos, I then polished off whaterver my sister had on her plate. So I cannot say that I stopped or didn’t stop when I was full. I never ate to excess but perhaps I should have stopped at my plate and not venture into my sister’s.

Overall, I still consider the day a success. I didn’t overeat throughout the day. And even though I considered treating myself to a pretzel after our meal, I changed my mind and decided to just go and get some coffee.

So I feel that I’m still on track. I’m not perfect. Yesterday, I had a flake bar after work, but overall I think I’m maintaining control.

Today, my goals are to go to the gym and do the 5 factor fitness. And to stay on track. Drink water or decaf tea. Eat small meals during the day.

What’s wrong with these men?

Day 4 of the 21 day challenge.

Today is day 4 in my 21 day challenge. I have to say that I’m feeling pretty good. Unfortunately, I didn’t get a chance to go to the gym yesterday because men are so stupid, but that’s another story. I feel good because I pretty much stuck not overeating and not eating after 7pm. That’s the most important part of this challenge.

The most important part for me in this challenge is to have control over what I put in my mouth. Its not about being perfect or always eating the right foods. Its about not losing control. Yesterday, I didn’t have my morning shake cause the milk had gone bad. (the kids drank it too and then had really upset tummies). I felt really bad about that. And I had to have coffee in the morning to wake me. I had a bagel with cream cheese for lunch and fried calamari for dinner. (It was kind of gross but that never stopped me from eating anything). So even though I didn’t eat the right foods through the day, I didn’t come home and eat like a pig. I didn’t say of chuck it, and eat everything in sight.

One of the things I need to be aware of is not buying things for home that I love to eat. I think that has been a huge downfall of mine is having that peanut butter in the house. Having that poppy seed bun. Seems that that’s when I just cannot stop myself. So, next time I wish to have a poppy seed bun from Bagel Nash, ( a place between my kids’ school and my work) I will take it work and eat it right there and then and give the rest away.

Its been 3 days and today is the 4th. I must remember to stay focused on this goal. I won’t think about the past. I need to keep going no matter what.

Today’s goals:

Drink water or tea.

Eat protein shake in the morning.

3 cheese strings a day

2 dried soups

Tonight I may have whatever I want for dinner since its my sister’s and mine evening out but not go crazy.  Tonight even though I plan to eat whatever I want, I will focus on recognizing the signs of being full and stopping there. That’s a different challenge than just eating a small meal. Because a small meal is done and I’m done. But in restaurants, when they give you huge portions, its extra hard to push the plate away. So tonight, I’m going to enjoy my meal but I’m going to stop eating when I feel that I have had enough.

Day 3.

I got woken up in the middle of the night for work. To my embarassment I left my work laptop at work so I had to page out 2 poeple who already probably didn’t get enough sleep. That will teach me. I’m thinking now that if I have to carry my laptop home with me every time, I might as well return the new one that I bought and just use my work laptop. But I till hate that laptop with a passion.

I had a pretty good day yesterday. I almost ate nothing after 7. Just a couple of bites on a cracker.

Today is my gym day, and I’m going to do Monday and Tuesday of the Five Factor Fitness.

My goals today.

Do the Five Factor Fitness workout at the gym.

Eat small mostly protein meals throughout the day.

Eat almost nothing after 7pm.

Drink lots of water.

 

And now